Archive for the ‘Drunken Wisdom’ Category

Florida Facts


2010
09.01

Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but wonderful state. Those of you who live in Florida will recognize it, and those who don’t have been warned !!!

You know you’re a Floridian if….

  • You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.
  • You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average
  • Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005
  • “Down South” means Key West
  • You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.
  • You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.
  • Your winter coat is made of denim.
  • You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
  • Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.
  • You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.
  • You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
  • You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘ Northern Cuba
  • You dread love bug season.
  • You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.
  • You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma…Irene…Cheryl…Rita Mary… Alison
  • You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave.
  • Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.
  • You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
  • You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
  • A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
  • You’ve hosted a hurricane party.
  • You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.
  • You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
  • You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.
  • A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

OUCH!!!


2010
08.30

Rarely do I see something that makes me cringe, but this xray of a severely mangled hand does. I wonder what the back story of the accident that caused this wound.

Big Brother


2010
08.26




“The Ninth Circuit court has declared that attaching a GPS tracker to your car, as it sits in your driveway, or, by extension on a public street, and then using it to monitor every one of your movements, is totally legal, and can be performed by the police without needing a warrant. So, if you live in the Western United States, big brother has arrived.”

Rock Bottom


2010
08.24

Just when you thought you hit rock bottom, you find a whole new level to dig.

Tyler Durden: Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. It’s not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO! (Fight Club)

wikipedia


2010
08.22

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_punch



The truth hurts


2010
08.15

“Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil”

Retard in tin foil

Women, never enough


2010
08.11

THE BOTTLE OF MERLOT.

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant.

So, the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.”…… and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
“For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and ’7′ inches in your pants.”

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
“Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be; I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back’

my new quote!!!


2010
07.11

fantasy realized, nightmares lived, gods killed, demons seduced…

-Alter Ego 2010

I dream of this….


2010
06.18

I mean really top shelf chocolate jizz pumping from my man member, I would never get any sleep!!!

Drunken Buddha says…


2010
04.13

The old tree that bend in the wind of a new storm survives to see the sun of a new day